Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ? Archives
I don't want to know where to buy Viagra, Tramadol, or Valium. I'm not sure what it means to "Chart Live Sex", but I can tell you I don't want any piece of it.
You know what I want a piece of? A punch to your dong.
June 7, 2006 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 11:43 PM
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Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
Guy in Front of Me at Billy Joel Concert
He was a 30 something wearing his Penn State cap backwards. That's not why he deserves it.
He gave Billy Joel both the devil fingers and the "Wayne's World" "We're not worthy" bow. That's not why he deserves it.
He anticipated, tensed up, stood up, blocked our view, and toasted every single reference to alcohol. That's not why he deserves it.
He turned to his friend and gave a look during "The Entertainer" that said "Dude, I really get this song in a way that you can't." And that is why he deserves a cockpunch.
March 8, 2006 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 12:40 AM
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Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
There's no irony in this choice, despite his name.
I'm watching the Tonight Show (Jodie Foster is on) and Chevy has bought up the entire commercial block for the show nothing but ads for it's new car, the HHR. Then they build an entire series of increasingly more inane spots anchored by Andy Dick. Andy Dick! What target demographic are they trying to hit here: "This car is perfect for people who enjoy chewing on nail files, listening to white noise, and experiencing brain freezes!"
Take Andy Dick's annoyingness and filter through the banality of a car commercial, and you have the recipe for a cock punchin'.
September 23, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 12:28 AM
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Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
It's the first time I've ordered a cockpunchin' on a company, but they deserve it. Why? The commercials. They claim that they allows you to do the things you wish you could do in real life to car advertisements. A lot of them are dumb, but the dumbest is the one where the woman squats and spins in the car. Finally it switches to her perspective and you see she's doing one of those 360 views of the car. It begs the question:
WHO WANTS TO DO THAT? Additionally it has a 10 note theme that gets stuck your head, and they play it constantly.
I would like to gather the people at
Vehix.com and their ad company together in a circle. Then I would get in the center, and tell them I have something to tell them. They would come in closer, and I would squat and spin, and cockpunch, or 'gina chop' (don't want to be sexist) them in turn.
'Cause that's something
I've always wanted to do in real life.
August 9, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 11:36 PM
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Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
There he is walking down the street in his top hat, and monocle. These are signs of wealth, prestige and power. What does he do to earn that wealth? He hawks peanuts. That's right he's built his little empire on the broken exoskeletons of his kin. He's a traitor, a quisling, a Vichy Peanut, and his privates should be pounded into peanut butter.
June 25, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 8:02 PM
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Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
Far be it from me to pick on an addict, but don't take my word for it, read the comments here on this post:
More Intervention Goodness
It's by far the most common Google result in my referral log. People love to hate Gabe, and I'm gonna gives 'em what they want.
Gabe consider yourself cockpunched.
April 26, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 1:00 AM
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Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
I try to avoid mixing politics and cockpunching fun, but Santorum really deserves it. I dislike Santorum because he wears his Catholicism on his sleeve and uses it to justify
homophobia, "
family values" and his
pro-life position. I strongly disagree with him, on these points, but I can grudgingly understand them as an extension to Catholic teachings. However, he has recently revealed himself to be an enemy of the poor and working class, as evidenced by
his lead on a GOP bill that will increase the minimum wage (good) but exempt even more companies from having to adhere to it (bad). It would also exempt employers from having to give wages to employees that earn tips (very bad). It would also change the overtime cut off from 40 hours a week, to 80 hours in two weeks (bad).
In short, Santorum who has shirt-sleeves made of Catholicism, seems to love that Protestant work ethic. I can't reconcile his support of sweatshop labor practices, and his Catholicism. He must be a hypocrite... a cock-punch deserving hypocrite.
March 6, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 11:54 PM
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Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
So you guys finally break the curse, and then you turn around and take the Super Bowl from us.
You are cockpunched:
February 7, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 11:07 PM
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Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
The Guy from the Dodge Hemi Comercial
You know, the burly redheaded middle manager who for some reason needs a Hemi engine in his SUV family wagon. He yells at his wife to stop filling his son's head with the ideas about his precious Dodge Hemi. I've seen enough of these commercials that I've now come to loathe this man. He seems to personify, in my mind, the worst of the exburban white male stereotypes:
He owns a vehicle he probably doesn't need. His house and clothing makes him look more like a jackass-supervisor than a working man. He portrays himself as a strong patriarchal figure; but it's obvious that the wife is the reason, brains and controller of the house. I conclude this from the fact that the whole point of the commercial is that the non-Hemi features of the car appeal to her, and that we have seen these two in couple's therapy in another version of the commercial. This characature of a macho man would never initiate couple's therapy, or go willingly. More evidence that the guy is not the captain of his own ship. And more reason for us to cock punch him, the next time we see him.
January 22, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 10:31 PM
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Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
I've decided to add a new feature to the my blog. It's called
Who Needs a Cockpunchin' ? It's inspired by a random infograph that appeared on
The Onion a couple years back.
So if you see this symbol, make sure your justice is swift and merciless. .. and violently directed at the aforementioned guy's dong. I realize that it's kinda sexist. However the only term for corresponding punishment that my friends and I were able to come up with is:
'Gina Chop and I couldn't edit up a graphic for that.
January 22, 2005 Posted by Terrence Ryan at 10:06 PM
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Meta Blogging,
Who Needs A Cockpunchin' ?,
